Computing - taglines

" " said Pooh as he was rendered speechless
".........." ~ Marcel Marceau
"...and great minds Don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would have only about 50 inventions." - Wally (from Dilbert comics)
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." - Sir Winston Churchill
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." (Charles F. Kettering)
"A witty saying proves nothing." - Voltaire (1694-1778)
"All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education." (Sir Walter Scott)
"Already too loud!" - Bruno Walter at his first rehearsal with an American orchestra, on seeing the players reaching for their instruments.
"Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind. And, therefore, never send to know, for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." - John Donne
"ANY question addressed to a cat can be counted rhetorical." - E. Miller
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." - Voltaire (1694-1778)
"Arguing with anonymous strangers on the Internet is a sucker's game because they almost always turn out to be - or to be indistinguishable from - self-righteous sixteen-year-olds possessing infinite amounts of free time." - Neil Stephenson, _Cryptonomicon_
"Assassins!" - Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
"Berlioz says nothing in his music, but he says it magnificently." - James Gibbons Hunekar
"Black and white is much closer to the condition of dreaming. It links you to the subconscious and I think that was part of the great appeal of movies originally.. this strange otherness." - John Boorman, director
"Books and friends should be few but good." - Proverb
"Bother", said Pooh as he climbed out of his Vorlon encounter suit.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he centered the cross hairs on Tigger.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he forgot which tagline he was going to use.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he walked through the security beam.
"Bother," said Pooh, as Vader cut off his right paw.
"Cadenza: The orchestra's favourite part of a solo concerto, when they can get on with reading Playboy, Autocar, etc... while the soloist sweats it out alone... Traditionally [cadenzas] would end with a prolonged trill, the nearest musical equivalent to an alarm-clock, its purpose being to rouse the orchestra from slumber - the ones who have nothing to read, that is." - Antony Hopkins, Doronbeat Music Guide (1977)
"Cainophobia" is the fear of newness.
"Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit." (Henry Adams)
"Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers." - Attributed to Socrates, 470BC - 399BC
"Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?" - Henry D. Thoreau
"Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes, Art is knowing which ones to keep." - Scott Adams
"Design is the art of effectively communicating a message while making the communication medium invisible."
"Don't bother to look, I've composed all this already." - Gustav Mahler, to Bruno Walter who had stopped to admire mountain scenery in rural Austria.
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." - Will Durant
"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together." - Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)
"Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. No one is entitled to their own facts." - James Schlesinger
"Experience is not what happens to you; it's what you do with what happens to you." (Aldous Huxley)
"Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex and minus reason." - Mason Cooley
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set him on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life." - Solid Jackson, "Jingo" by Terry Pratchett
"God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way! - Arturo Toscanini, Italian conductor, reprimanding a trumpet player.
"Harpists spend 90 of their lives tuning their harps and 10 playing out of tune." - Igor Stravinsky
"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?" (Satchell Paige)
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." - H. G. Wells (1866-1946)
"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"I call a manufacturer and say, 'Hey, can you run this at minus 60 degrees?' and I just hear a click." - Carlton Walker, construction manager for the Amundsen-Scott project at the South Pole
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." (Bill Cosby)
"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." - Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." (Confucius)
"I meant," said Iplsore bitterly, "what is there in this world that makes living worthwhile?" Death thought about it. "CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE." - Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
"I never use a score when conducting my orchestra... Does a lion tamer enter a cage with a book on how to tame a lion?" - Dimitri Mitropolous
"I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? 'No,' said the priest, 'not if you did not know.' 'Then why,' asked the Eskimo earnestly, 'did you tell me?'" (Annie Dillard)
"I was meant to be a composer and will be I'm sure... Don't ask me to go play football - please." - Gian Carlo Menotti, future composer, in a note written to his mother at the age of nine.
"If a young man at the age of twenty-three can write a symphony like that, in five years he will be ready to commit murder." - Walter Damrosch on Aaron Copland
"If like truth, the lie had but one face, we would be on better terms. For we would accept as certain the opposite of what the liar would say. But the reverse of truth has a hundred thousand faces and an infinite field." (Montaigne)
"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable." (Seneca)
"If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted, I beg his pardon." - Brahms, leaving a gathering.
"If you will make a point of singing 'All we, like sheep, have gone astray' with a little less satisfaction, we shall meet the aesthetical as well as the theological requirements." - Beecham
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
"Images, not words, capture feelings in faces; nothing can ruin the atmosphere as easily as too much light." - Sven Nykvist, cinematographer
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television." - Fred Allen (1894-1956)
"In opera, there is always too much singing." - Claude Debussy
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite." - Paul Dirac (1902-1984)
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea." - Douglas Adams
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" - Douglas Adams
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"It is characteristic of the present time always to be conscious of the medium. It is almost bound to end in madness, like a man who whenever he looked at the sun and the stars was conscious of the world going round." (Kierkegaard)
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
"It's like the beaver told the rabbit as they stared at the Hoover Dam: 'I didn't build it myself, but it's based on an idea of mine.'" - Nobel laureate in physics, Charles Townes
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx (1895-1977)
"Just say no" prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.
"Learn all you can from the mistakes of others. You won't have time to make them all yourself." - Alfred Sheinwold
"Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness." (James Thurber)
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." - Isaac Asimov
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever". - Gandhi
"Men have become the tools of their tools." - Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
"Moderation in all things" is a good motto, but one needs to do moderation in moderation.
"Mosquitoes have caused more deaths than all the wars... Guppies devour mosquito larvae so may be the best defense against them.... We budget billions for military systems. Preposterous! Spend it on guppies!" - letter to the editor, Eugene newspaper
"Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour." - Gioacchino Rossini (1792-1868)
"Never look at the trombones, it only encourages them." - Richard Strauss
"Never mistake motion for action - Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name." (Henry Kissinger)
"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes: there's too much fraternizing with the enemy." - Henry Kissinger
"Not at all tricky. We do this sort of stuff every day before breakfast. Then I fly to work on my winged pig, Swilma." - David Chase, answering some IT-related question.
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein
"Oh Bother", said the Borg, "we've assimilated Pooh"
"Oh how wonderful, really wonderful opera would be if there were no singers!" - Gioacchino Rossini
"One can't judge Wagner's opera Lohengrin after a first hearing, and I certainly don't intend hearing it a second time." - Gioacchino Rossini
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Elliot
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
"Penalties against possession of a drug should not be more damaging to an individual than the use of the drug itself." - US President Jimmy Carter, Message to Congress, August 2, 1977
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." - Antoine de Saint Exupery
"Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy." - Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." - Albert Einstein
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"Silence is argument carried out by other means." - Ernesto"Che"Guevara (1928-1967)
"Smoking helps you lose weight -- one lung at a time!"
"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing." - Albert Einstein
"Sports do not build character. They reveal it." (Heywood Hale Broun)
"Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts"
"Talent does what it can; genius does what it must." - Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)
"Television has changed the American child from in irresistible force into an immovable object." - Laurence J. Peter
"That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful." - Ninon de L'Enclos
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit." - W. Somerset Maugham
"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote." - Kosh (Babylon 5)
"The average person thinks he isn't." - Father Larry Lorenzoni
"The best way to predict your future is to create it." - Peter Drucker
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy
"The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is to love her mother." - A priest
"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." (Winston Churchill)
"The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life than the greatest of things without it." - Carl Gustav
"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out." - Thomas McCaulay
"The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them" - Stephen King
"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault." - Henry Kissinger (1923-)
"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." - Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true." - James Branch Cabell
"The plural of anecdote is not data." - Roger Brinner
"The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
"The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking... the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker." - Albert Einstein
"The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins." - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved." (Victor Hugo)
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who Think Different" - Friedrich Nietzsche
"The thing about saying the wrong words is that A, I don't notice it, and B, sometimes orange water gibbon bucket and plastic." - Mr. Burrows
"The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. Instead of altering their views to fit the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that needs altering." - Doctor Who
"The wicked leader is one whom the people despise. The good leader is one whom the people revere. The great leader is one about whom the people say, 'We did it ourselves.'" (Lao Tzu)
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
"There are still so many beautiful things to be said in C major." - Sergei Prokofiev
"There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what happens in between." - Sir Thomas Beecham
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
"There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C. A. R. Hoare
"There is no problem so big that it cannot be run away from". - Richard Bach
"There isn't a word in the English language that can't be verbed." - attributed to Alexander Haig
"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves." (Gilbert Highet)
"Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end." - Igor Stravinsky (1882-1971)
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." - Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction." - General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." (Aristotle)
"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men." (Herman Melville)
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - Albert Einstein
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Sam Keen
"We generally have 3 years to plan, 6 to produce and 10 to support. In consumer electronics, it's 18 months to plan, 18 months to produce and 18 days to support." - Mike Kane, automotive technology director, Chrysler Group
"We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be." - Angel
"Well done is better than well said." - Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
"When I tell any truth it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those who do" - William Blake
"When I was a young man I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. I didn't want to be a failure, so I did ten times more work." (George Bernard Shaw)
"When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world." - George Washington Carver (1864-1943)
"Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough."
"Wouldn't the sentence "I want to put a hyphen between the words Fish and And, and And and Chips in my Fish-And-Chips sign" have been clearer if quotation marks had been placed before Fish, and between Fish and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and And, and And and and, and and and Chips, as well as after Chips?" - unknown
"Ziggy says there's a 98.7% chance that your here to steal taglines."
(1) If it should exist, it doesn’t; (2) If it does exist, it’s out-of-date; (3) Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws. - Laws of Documentation
(1) If the weather is extremely bad, Church attendance will be down; (2) If the weather is extremely good, Church attendance will be down; (3) If the bulletins are in short supply, Church attendance will exceed all expectations. Reverend Chichester’s Laws
(1) You can’t fix it if it ain’t broke; (2) That which is attached with only two bolts is directly behind something attached with eight. - Law of Automotive Repair
***WARNING!*** Tagline Theft Alarm Active
----*CENSORED BY THE TAGLINE POLICE*----
.. This tagline is currently out of order.
“Art is the unceasing effort to compete with the beauty of flowers - and never succeeding” - Gian Carlo Menotti
“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.” -Mae West
“From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.” -Napoleon I
“Hear no evil speak no evil and you’ll never be invited to a party.” -Oscar Wilde
“I must have an immense mind. It takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.” -Mark Twain
“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you” - Friedrich Nietzsche
“Melody is a form of remembrance. It must have a quality of inevitability in our ears.” - Gian Carlo Menotti
“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” -Stanislow Jerzy Lec
“The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.” -James Branch Cabell
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1+2=3 therefore 4+5=6 - Failed maths, passed logic.
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A baby in Florida was named: Truewilllaughinglifebuckyboomermanifestdestiny. (His middle name is George James).
A backward poet writes inverse.
A balanced diet is a chocolate biscuit in each hand.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. - Herbert Prochnow
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.
A closed mind gathers no intelligence.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
A closed mind is like a sealed room - It's going to get awfully stuffy.
A column about errors will contain errors. - Law of Journalism
A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.
A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians. Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
A computer cuts your work in half and gives you back the bloody stumps.
A confident manner is important: computers can sense this.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
A discussion about errors will contain errors. Law of Journalism
'A dog may be the only opportunity a human has to choose a relative.' -- Mordecai Siegal
A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. - Harvey Mackay
A drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts.
A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street, and... ooooohhhhhh, that's much better. - Steven Wright
A goldfish will eventually turn white when placed in a dark room.
A group of unicorns is called a blessing.
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought. There is a visible labour and there is an invisible labour. - Victor Hugo
A man only becomes wise when he begins to calculate the approximate depth of his ignorance. Gian Carlo Menotti
A narrow mind has a broad tongue.
A pessimist is a man who, given the choice of two evils, chooses both.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
A recent study at the Institute of Incomplete research found that 9 out of 10
A self-addressed envelope would be addressed 'envelope'.
A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A show-off is any child who is more talented than yours. Mom’s Law
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
A torch is a case for holding dead batteries.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
A watched clock never boils.
A wish is a desire without an attempt.
A work project expands to fill the space available. - Einstein Extension of Parkinson’s Law
A writer must not shift your point of view.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." - Robert De Niro
According to the most recent surveys, five people out of ten are half.
Ad hominem attacks are only used by despicable morons.
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. - C.S. Lewis
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
After eating too much, your hearing is less sharp.
After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Aftercataracts and tesseradecades, each fourteen letters long, are the longest words that can be typed using only those letters normally typed with the left hand. Twelve letter words with this property include aftereffects, desegregated, desegregates, reasseverate, reverberated, reverberates, and stewardesses.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Aha! Caught you lurking! So that's who's been stealing my taglines!
Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes.
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
All generalisations are false.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way. - Young’s Law of Inanimate Mobility
All SPAM after the 30th July 2006 will incur a $25 reading fee. Reading this notice, which is attached to every newsgroup posting, constitutes acceptance of the fee.
All string players have an intuitive understanding of quantum mechanics. It explains why you can never get the bow in exactly the place you want it with exactly the bow speed you want -- but you can come very close. - Roland Hutchinson
All taglines are busy... one will be with you shortly.
All taglines are currently busy. Please try again later.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Always avoid generalisations.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Always smile. It makes people wonder what you're up to.
Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don’t. It’s knowing where to go to find out what you need to know; and it’s knowing how to use the information you get. - William Feather
An exception granted becomes a right expected the next time it is requested.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth not included.
An ostrich’s eye is larger than its brain.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
And of course it goes without saying that
Andante: A musical composition that is infernally slow.
Another meaningless tagline attached to a pointless message.
Anti--theft device ***DISABLED*** tagline stolen
Any component, when inadvertently dropped, will roll into a hiding place, the inaccessibility of which is proportional to the square of the component's irreplaceability.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - Arthur C. Clarke
Anybody can quit smoking. It takes a real man to fight lung cancer!
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
Anyone in good enough condition to run three miles a day is in good enough condition not to have to.
Anything on the ground is a cat toy. Anything not there yet, will be.
Appealingness is inversely proportional to attainability.
Apples are more effective at keeping people awake in the morning than caffeine.
Approximatura: A series of notes played by a performer, not intended by the composer.
Approximento: A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch.
Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times.
Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths. - Bertrand Russell
Armoured knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
As a matter of principle I never attend the first annual anything.
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. - Ellen Perry Berkeley
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
As our own species is in the process of proving, one cannot have superior science and inferior morals. The combination is unstable and self-destroying. - Arthur C. Clarke
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of demand.
As soon as you dispose of a book even one that has gathered dust for years a pressing need to refer to it will arise.
As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else. - Law of Living
Asking dumb questions is easier than fixing dumb mistakes.
At the top of the food chain sits Chocolate.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
audition: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his mind.
Author Robert A. Heinlein on censorship: "The whole principle is wrong; it's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't eat steak."
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Avoid clichés like the plague... they're a dime a dozen.
Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
Bagpipes are the missing link between music and noise. - E.K. Kruger
bar line: a gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.
Bar Line: What musicians form after a concert.
Basically, I have this theory that there are five kinds of truth. (This is Joe's Theory of the Five Truths.) There is the truth you tell to casual strangers and acquaintances. There is the truth you tell to your general circle of friends and family members. There is the truth you tell to only one or two people in your entire life. There is the truth you tell to yourself. And finally, there is the truth that you do not admit even to yourself. And it's that fifth truth that provides some of the most interesting drama..... -J.Michael Straczynski (creator of Babylon 5)
Battlestar Galactica was based directly on teachings of the Church of Latter Day Saints.
Be nice to your enemies. (It drives them nuts).
Be the change you want to see in the world. - M. K. Gandhi
beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments. The down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.
Because molecules of oil are smaller than those of acrylic, there is more room for pigment in an area of oil paint, and thusly, oil paint always has greater potential for color brilliance.
Because of Animal Crackers, many kids until they reach the age of ten, believe a bear is as tall as a giraffe.
Before I married, I had three theories about raising children and no children. Now, I have three children and no theories. - John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. (Robert H. Schuller)
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. - (Andre Gide)
Bet you can't stop reading here <--- I knew it...
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Blessed be the pessimist for he hath made backups.
'Bono, If you still haven't found what your looking for, check behind the drum kit' - Larry Mullen
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. - (Steven Wright)
Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no other endeavour does the consumer blame himself for product failure. - Unknown
Butterflies taste with their feet.
By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH C:\COMPUTER\DIE
Cabbaged and fabaceae, each eight letters long, are the longest words that can be played on a musical instrument. Seven letter words with this property include acceded, baggage, bedface, cabbage, defaced, and effaced.
Camels have 3 eyelids.
Can't you read? The score demands "con amore," and what are you doing? You are playing it like married men! - Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957)
Capslock keys are the crayons of the Internet.
Captain Kirk never said "Beam me up, Scotty," but he did say, "Beam me up, Mr. Scott".
Careful you may trip over your assumptions and end up looking silly.
Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. - Joseph Wood Krutch
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit. - John S. Nichols
Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.
Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.- Jacquelyn Mitchard
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. - Joseph Wood Krutch
Chain Tagline. Steal and add one to this number: 13
Champagne for my true friends and true pain for my sham friends!
Check for toilet paper BEFORE sitting down.
Chickens can't swallow while they are upside down.
Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
Cinderella's slippers were originally made out of fur. The story was changed in the 1600s by a translator.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant. The population is growing.
Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare. - Blair Houghton.
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. -E. W. Dijkstra
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers run on smoke: when the smoke comes out, they stop running.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Confucius say too much. - (Recent Chinese proverb)
Contrary to popular belief ostriches never stick their heads in the sand.
Cornetti Trombosis Disastrous: The entanglement of brass instruments that can occur when musicians exit hastily down the stage stairs
Corrupting your backups ... please wait ...
Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live, taking the form of readiness to die. - G.K. Chesterton
Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just crazy.
Crazy people who are productive are geniuses. Crazy people who are rich are eccentric. But crazy people who are neither productive nor rich are just crazy.
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.- Isaac Asimov
Credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea occurs.
Damn! Stealing my own taglines.
Data is not information, and information is not knowledge: knowledge is not understanding, and understanding is not wisdom. - Cliff Stoll & Gary Schubert
Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? Answer: The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small business signs to alert the reader than an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.
Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Democracy is three wolves and a sheep deciding what to have for dinner.
detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their slides removed.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. - Sue Murphy
Did you know that the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (Are you singing them both to really find out?!)
Dill Piccolino: A wind instrument that plays only sour notes.
Dinner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
Diplomacy: The art of letting someone have your way.
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Disclaimer: The above message was formed by randomly joining various sentences, phrases and clichés in an attempt to make the sender appear intelligent. It should be taken neither as a statement of intent, nor wit.
Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say. - (William W. Watt)
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Don't anthropomorphise computers - they hate that!
Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.
Don't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time. - Rabbinical Saying
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't treat fictional people as if they were human beings. It only encourages them. - Karl Ove Hufthammer
Don't trust reality. After all, it's only a collective hunch.
Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness,' but it doesn't work. - Gallagher
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Dr. Seuss pronounced "Seuss" so it rhymed with "rejoice".
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean
Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you...
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
During an average lifetime, a man will spend 3,350 hours removing 8.4 meters of stubble.
Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin
Each pronoun should agree with their antecedent.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. - B F Skinner
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
ELECELLERATION: Pressing an elevator button a lot to speed it up.
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ERROR #0399: No help or documentation available whatsoever.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
Error: Out of chocolate, taglines may become irrational.
ERROR: Too much diskspace detected, Windows will generate data.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Even after all these years, mantis' prayer not granted
Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
Ever notice that when you’re driving that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? - George Carlin
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. - Oliver Goldsmith
Every man is the architect of his own life. He builds it just the way he wants it. However, after he has built what he wants, he sometimes decides that he doesn't like what he has built and looks for someone or something to blame instead of changing himself. - Sidney Madwed
Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Everything without tells the individual that he is nothing; everything within persuades him that he is everything. - X. Doudan
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. - W. Somerset Maugham
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Experience is often what you get when you were expecting something else.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
Experience is what allows us to repeat our mistakes, only with more finesse! - Derwood Fincher
Experience is what causes you to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
Experts claim the colour combination that has the most visual impact is black on yellow.
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
File not found! Should I fake it? (Y/N)
First they came for the verbs and I said nothing, for verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns and I speech nothing, for I no verbs.- Peter Ellis, a.f.p.
First things first - but not necessarily in that order.
Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats." - Victor Borge, playing to a half-filled house in Flint, Michigan.
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Food nourishes the body, and laughter feeds the soul.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. - Steven Wright
For people who like peace and quiet: A phoneless cord.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Forgery resistant signatures now available, $5. Each one uniquely numbered for your protection!
Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo
Free speech carries with it freedom to listen - or not.
Frugalhorn: A sensible, inexpensive brass instrument.
Genealogy: chasing your own tale.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchet, The Last Continent
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. - Blore's Razor
Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown
Glibido: All talk and no action.
God tells me how the music should sound, but "you," stand in the way. - Arturo Toscanini to a trumpet player
God, grant me the serenity to accept a post I cannot change, courage to walk past the computer without turning it on when I'm running late for work, and the wisdom to know the difference between "come to bed now" meaning "let's have some fun" and "come to bed NOW" meaning that computer has got to go!
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
Grandchildren grow more quickly than children. - Defries’s Law of Relativity
Great minds think alike, and steal the same taglines.
Great procrastination tagline, maybe I'll steal it tomorrow...
Grubs become beetles, maggots become flies.
Guinness beer is the same Guinness that does the world records.
Half of conversation is listening.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
Happiness is not getting what you want - it's wanting what you have.
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer, doctor
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Have a great day ... unless you've made other plans.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever tried to steal your own taglines?
Have you heard about the dyslexic insomniac existentialist? He lies in bed at night, wondering 'Is there a dog?'
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. - Abraham Lincoln
He who would pursue revenge should first dig two graves.
Help, I'm typing and I can't stop!!
Hey, this isn't my tagline! Who put it here?
Hi! Kath's answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
Hi, my name is Annie Key. Please don't hit me!
Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening.
Hi. You have just entered the fourth dimension. Small isn't it?
'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices. - Calvin and Hobbes
History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.
Hollywood movie blockbuster tipped to involve threat to entire world.
Home is where the computer is plugged in.
Home is where you keep your "stuff" while you're out getting more "stuff". - George Carlin
How come abbreviated is such a long word? - Stephen Wright
How do you draw a blank?
How to become immortal: Read this signature tomorrow and follow its advice.
HTML lesson #42: The only legitimate use for the greatly loathed BLINK tag: Schroedinger's Cat is <BLINK>NOT</BLINK> dead
I agree to suspend my disbelief, not hang it by the neck until dead.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. - Stephen Wright
I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs. - Kevin Gildea
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.
I can't walk on water, but I can stagger on alcohol.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
I don't believe in astrology; I'm a Sagittarius and we're skeptical. - Arthur C. Clarke
I don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck.
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. - Jack Benny
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
I don't think I shall ever get over this. - Leigh Hunt, last words
I drink to make other people interesting. - George Jean Nathan
I got an answering machine for my phone... now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up... they hear a recording of a busy signal. - Steven Wright
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night. - Stephen Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are Here' written all over it.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. - E.V. Lucas
I have the oldest typewriter in the world... it types in pencil. - Steven Wright
I know all the answers, just at the wrong time.
I know it sounds like I'm in denial, but I'm not.
I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you don't understand is that what I said is not what I meant.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I like to torture my plants by watering them with ice cubes. - Steve Wright
I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says. - Oscar Wilde
I maintain that two and two would continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five. - James MacNeill Whistler
I may be inconsistent, but not all the time.
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat. - Rebecca West, 1913
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I occasionally play works by contemporary composers and for two reasons. First to discourage the composer from writing any more and secondly to remind myself how much I appreciate Beethoven. Jascha Heifetz (1901 - 1987) Russian-US classical violinist
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright
I put tape on my mirrors at my house so I won't accidentally walk through them into another dimension. - Steven Wright
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steve Wright
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. - Spike Milligan
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple Black, actress, singer, and US ambassador
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. - A Bit of Fry and Laurie
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. - Steve Wright
I tried to think but nothing happened!
I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
I used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.
I was arrested today for scalping low numbers at the deli... sold #3 for $28 bucks. - Steve Wright
I was born by Caesarean section...but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. - Steve Wright
I was on a ski lift with another person... no one I knew... and he didn't say a word until we were half way up the mountain... then he said, "I haven't been skiing in ten years." I said "How come?" He said "I was in jail." I didn't say anything. He said, "You wanna know why?" I said, "Not really." He said, "I'll tell you anyway... I was jailed for pushing a complete stranger off a ferris wheel." - Steven Wright
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. - Stephen Wright
I was walking my dog around my building on the ledge... a lot of people are afraid of heights... not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Steven Wright
I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in. - Mick Miller
I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates.
I would add my signature but the pen won't write on the screen.
Iceland consumes the most Coca-Cola per capita than any other country.
I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.
If a fire fighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If an infinite number of rednecks in the back of an infinite number of pickup trucks shoot an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce a complete version of Hamlet in braille.
If androids dream of electric sheep, do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?
If anyone ever tries to tell you nothing rhymes with orange, don't believe them. It doesn't.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committee. That'll do them in.
If computers save time, when do we get it back?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If everything is an illusion and nothing exists, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - (Woody Allen)
If god doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing 'em. -Sue Grafton
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? - George Carlin
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. - Isaac Asimov
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
If people think nature is their friend, then they sure don't need an enemy. - Kurt Vonnegut, author
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
If the first person who answers the phone can't handle your question, then it's a bureaucracy.
If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.
If the human brain were simple enough for us to understand it, we would be too simple to understand it.
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. - George Carlin
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. - (Rita Mae Brown)
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. - Rita Mae Brown ... and the bar on a man's bicycle would be a whole lot lower!!! - Richard
If there are two competing and incompatible technologies on the market, the inferior technology will prevail. Betamax Principle
If truth were a matter of opinion, then the majority would always be right.
If war is a necessary evil, that makes it all the more important to express peace as a necessary good. Whatever love, kindness, laughter, or generosity we create in our immediate vicinity radiates outward like a "perfect Ponzi scheme" where everyone wins and nobody loses. - Swami Beyondananda
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
If you are locked in a completely sealed room, you will die of carbon dioxide poisoning before you will die of oxygen deprivation.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
If you can read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the sentence 'If you read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the sentence' - Twice!
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. - Stephen Wright
If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
If you don't have time to do it right you must have time to do it over.
If you don't know how to do something, you don't know how to do it with a computer.
If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
If you hate your lot but wouldn't trade it, it's not your lot you hate. - Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode. - Law of Reruns
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel. - Will Kommen
If you make enough predictions, a few are bound to be correct. The hits are likely to be remembered, the misses forgotten, and you will win fame and possibly fortune as a forecaster of the future.
If you make enough predictions, a few are bound to be correct. The hits are likely to be remembered, the misses forgotten, and you will win fame and possibly fortune as a forecaster of the future.
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. - Maslow
If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. - (Thomas J. Watson)
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you want to please the critics, don't play too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow. - Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957)
If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. - Steve Wright
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
Ifyoucanreadthisyouspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines
Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune. - Nicholas Ling
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a*s hole.
Ill wind finally seeks medical advice.
I'm a fermata - hold me.
I'm coming dear, I only have 437 more messages to read!
I'm lost! I've gone to find myself, so if I get back before I return, tell me to wait.
I'm not 30 something. I'm $29.95, plus shipping and handling.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am!
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
In many Guinness records, it is acceptable to call something "continuous" if it is done with a 15 minute break every eight hours.
In rap music, the 'c' is silent.
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
In the 60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal.
In the beginning there was nothing... Then even *that* exploded!
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today - but the core of science fiction, its essence has become crucial to our salvation if we are to be saved at all. - Isaac Asimov
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Insanity is a rational reaction to an irrational world.
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is, the less noise it makes.
Is it any surprise that we have the government we do when a polititian's greatest skill is getting themselves elected?
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every Dewey-decimal category.
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
It cost 7 million dollars to build the Titanic and 200 million to make a film about it.
It does take a perverse form of optimism to have any faith in the news media when almost every time they cover something you _know_ about, they get it wrong. - Grant Edwards
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is a grave error to allow any mechanical device to realise that you are in a hurry.
It is a myth that the hair and nails grow after death; the skin shrinks, giving the illusion of their growth
It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
It is better to be defeated on principle than to win on lies.
It is easier to love humanity… than one's neighbour. - Eric Hoffer
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It is in your moments of decision that your life is shaped. Develop your decision-making muscles. - Tony Robbins
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated. - Alec Bourne
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. - Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.* - Swami Beyondananda
It is when the irritation of doubt causes a struggle to attain belief that the enterprise of thought begins.
It is wrong to repeat gossip, but what else can you do with it?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
It was first discovered on a space mission flight that a frog could throw up. First it throws up its stomach, uses its forearms to dig out the food and then swallows it stomach back down.
It was not so very long ago that people thought that semiconductors were part-time orchestra leaders and microchips were very, very small snack foods. Geraldine Ferraro
It’s a simple task to make a subject complex, but a complex task to make it simple.
It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - W. Somerset Maugham
It's a myth that there's a "curse of King Tut's tomb" and 'most ' of the people who were present at the opening of the tomb died swift, horrible deaths. Of the 22 present at its opening, 21 were alive 10 years later
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. - Judith S. Martin
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
It's important that people know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for. Mary Waldrop
It's important that people know what you stand for. It's equally important that they know what you won't stand for.
Its important to use apostrophe's in the right places
It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. - Oxford University Press, Edpress News
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
It's not procrastination; it's a higher form of planning.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others, they are more screwed up than you think.
I've tried to be passionate about my career, but my career just wants to be friends. -John Donne, No Man Is An Island
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I
Just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. - Thomas Edison
Just remember, there's a right way and a wrong way to do everything and the wrong way is to keep trying to make everybody else do it the right way. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
Knowledge can cure ignorance, but intelligence cannot cure stupidity.
Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. - (Paul Tillich)
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. - Stephen Wright
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.
Laughter is the closest distance between two people. - (Victor Borge)
Laziness is no more than the habit of resting before you get tired. - Jules Renard
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those that never come. - James Russel Lowell
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
Life can only be understood backwards - but it must be lived forwards
Life does not need to be perfect to be wonderful.
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
Life is like an analogy.
Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop. - Swami Beyondananda
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
Life isn't about what happens to you, it's about how you handle what happens.- by Nicholas Evans, 'The Smoke Jumper'
Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round. Lodge’s Law of Life
Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around. - Henry David Thoreau
Living in a vacuum sucks.
Local opium industry delighted by Australia's tall poppy syndrome.
Look to this day! Yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision. But today, well-lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. - author unknown
Looking for enlightenment is like looking for a flashlight, when all you need the flashlight for is to find the flashlight.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - (Robert Frost)
Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.
Love is the strongest force the world possesses, and yet it is the humblest imaginable. - Mahatma Gandhi
Love thine enemies; buy their kid a drum.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it! - Thomas Beecham to a cellist.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Mallard ducks have 360-degree vision.
Marketing is the science of convincing us that What You Get Is What You Want. - John Carter
Math problems? Call 1--800--[(10x)(ln(13e))]--[sin(xy)/2.362x]
Maybe I don't want to have a nice day.
Men can read smaller print better than women can; women can hear better.
Men fall from great fortune because of the same shortcomings that led to their rise.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Meow means "woof" in cat. - George Carlin
MISSING: Tagline, 70 characters long, last seen in Nevada.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - (Spike Milligan)
Money is the root of all evil. Send $20 for more information.
More people are killed annually by donkeys than in airplane crashes.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Multi-tasking - Twice the mistakes in half the time.
'Music is a moral law - it gives wings to the mind, A soul to the universe, Flight to the imagination, A charm to sadness, A life to everything.' - Plato
Music is like a painting that a blind man can see.
Music is the art of thinking with sounds.
Music is the science of manipulating emotion through sound. - Angus Gray
Music soothes the savage beast... unless it's polka.
Music washes from the soul the dust of everyday life. - Berthold Auerbach
Music. Food for soul and heart.
Music: a complex organization of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, yet somehow followed by the audience.
My favourite composer is Opus.
My favourite Latin phrase is"Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur"."Whatever is said in Latin, sounds profound."
My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. - Steve Wright
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark till he was eight years old. - Steve Wright
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My parents went to a planet where the dominant life-form has no bilateral symmetry and all I got was this stupid F-shirt.
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. - Baroness Edith Summerskill
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - (Abraham Lincoln)
Neurosis is the inability to tolerate ambiguity. - Sigmund Freud
Never argue over unimportant details. Even if you win, you'll have gained no advantage.
Never argue with a fool... people may not be able to tell you apart.
Never argue with a moron - they'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis Diller
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
Never say "OOPS!" always say, "Ah, Interesting!"
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
New music is old music played twice as fast and half as well - James Douglass Morrison
Ninety percent of our lawyers serve 10 percent of our people.
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man. - (Heraclitus)
No matter how much you honour your parents as an adult, it will not make up for your behaviour as a child. - Lesser’s Law
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people who believe it to be true. Law of the Lie
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a percentage of people who believe it to be true. - Law of the Lie
No matter what you search for on google.com, at least one porn site will match your criteria. - Law of the Internet
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. - Bertrand Russell
No opera plot can be sensible, for in sensible situations people do not sing. - W H Auden
No person was ever honoured for what he received. Honour has been the reward for what he gave. -Calvin Coolidge
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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - Martin Luther King Jr
Nothing is so useless as a general maxim.
On average, a 4 year old child asks 437 questions a day.
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - (Plato)
One should never generalize.
One's freedom stops where someone else's begins. - Rousseau
Only about one twin conception in 50 results in twin birth.
Only food that does not spoil: honey.
Only in growth, reform and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Only pedantic people use the word pedantic, and only a truly pedantic person would use the term pedantic four times in a statement.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. - Ed Gardner
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison
Opportunity knocks once. Temptation leans on the doorbell.
Orchestras only need to be sworn at, and a German is consequently at an advantage with them, as English profanity, except in America, has not gone beyond a limited technology of perdition. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20. - David Randolph
Pay attention to your enemies for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - (Antisthenes)
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
People are flexible enough to make any theory look good for a while. - Jaron Lanier
People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be. - Abraham Lincoln
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. - (Joseph F. Newton)
People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it. - Noel Coward
People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more and therefore being in contact with more germs in the air.
People don't see the world as it is, but as they are.
People who cough a lot never go to the doctor... just to movies, concerts and lectures.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J. Burke
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90. Percentage of mammal species that are monogamous: 3.
Perfection is a good aim however and as a mate of mine is wont to say, "If you aim for the stars you'll at least clear the back fence."
Pessimist: An optimist with experience.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Play it three more times and call it jazz. - Mingus, on "wrong notes".
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Polar bears are left-handed.
---POLICE TAGLINE---DO NOT CROSS---POLICE TAGLINE---DO NOT CROSS---
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - (Nikita S. Khrushchev)
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C. Clarke
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. (Ambrose Bierce)
Possession diminishes perception of value, immediately.
Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?
Practice safe snacks - always use condiments.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Procrastination Day Has Been Postponed!
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Pseudo-doctors are quite good - with pseudo-diseases...
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A. To get to the other side.
Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A. Even then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quick brown fox goes around lazy dog.
Rap is to Music, as Etch-A-Sketch is to Art.
Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales. - Byron J. Langenfeld
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a persistent one. - (Albert Einstein)
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
REALITY.SYS corrupted... Reboot universe? (Y/N)
REALITY.SYS missing... Universe halted.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Stephen Wright
Rincewind squinted up at the notice. "Of course I can read it", he said. "I just don't happen to believe it." "Multiple exclamation marks", he went on, shaking his head, "are a sure sign of a diseased mind." - Terry Pratchett, "Eric"
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you should be perfectly comfortable. - (Bobby Bragan)
Science has finally found what distinguishes Man from the other beasts: financial worries.
Science is everything we understand well enough to explain to a computer. Art is everything else. - David Knuth
Scientists discover link between daffodils and cancer.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put his mute on a few measures back.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars. -Les Brown
Should 'anal retentive' have a hyphen?
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
Signatures are overrated. Or underrated. I forget which.
Since few large pleasures are lent to us on a long lease, it is wise to cultivate a large undergrowth of small pleasures.
Skepticism travels the highways of information...Blind faith leads to a dead-end" - Donna Svabik
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steve Wright
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - (Fletcher Knebel)
So much of our time is preparation, so much is routine, and so much retrospect, that the path of each man's genius contracts itself to a very few hours. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Some minds seem almost to create themselves, springing up under every disadvantage and working their solitary but irresistible way through a thousand obstacles. - Washington Irving
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Stephen Wright
Some people can't tell a lie, others can't tell the truth, and others can't tell the difference.
'Some people crave baseball. I find this unfathomable, however, I do understand how someone could get excited about playing a bassoon.' - Frank Zappa
Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.
Some people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.
Some people grumble because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses. - Alphonse Karr
Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
Some people have a way with words, while others... umm... thingy!
Some people keep repeating the same mistakes over and over and call it experience.
Some people practice what they preach, others just practice preaching.
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering. - R. Buckminster Fuller
Sometimes majority simply means that all the fools are on one side.
Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
Stewardesses is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand, while lollipop is the longest with the right hand. (when following the rules for typing).
Strengths is the longest with only one vowel.
Stress is that condition created when the mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living s**t out of some arsehole who desperately needs it.
string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist, and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain about composers.
Study reveals that studies reveal nothing.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Synonym: Word you use when you can't spell the other.
Tagline Lotto: ###### <- Scratch here for prize.
Taglines are a waste of time. Take this one, for example - it makes no sense at all.
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Talking about love is like dancing about architecture. - Music critic
Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time and yet remain lonely. - T.S.Eliot
Tell the truth - there's less to remember.
That which is alien repels us. It also draws us, fascinates us, obsesses us. How many wars have been fought down through history, for the sake of those two conflicting interests?
The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
The amateur practices until he gets it right; the professional until he never gets it wrong.
The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The average person has one testicle and one ovary.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. - Helen Keller
The best defence against logic is ignorance. McLean’s Rule
The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.
The best things in life aren't things.
The best way to escape from your problem is to solve it.
The biggest idiot can ask questions the smartest man cannot answer.
The box containing the most valuable delicate object will be the one dropped. Murphy’s Law for Movers
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
The cynic says: the pessimist is a realist who isn't afraid to admit it.
The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
The distance from one's elbow to wrist is equal to the length of one's foot.
The dot over the letter i is called a tittle
The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
The easiest way to refold a road map is differently.
The e-mail of the species is deadlier than the mail.
The first 90 percent of the tasks take 10 percent of the time and the other 10 percent takes the other 90 percent. Project Schedule Law
The first 90 percent of the tasks take 10 percent of the time and the other 10 percent takes the other 90 percent. Project Schedule Law
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The first symptom of hypothermia is poor judgment.
The four words in the English language with the letters uu are: vacuum, residuum, triduum and continuum.
The giraffe has the highest blood pressure of any animal.
The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish squirting out ink. Language Law
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. - Elbert Hubbard
The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. Thomas Carlyle
The green stuff on the occasional freak potato chip is chlorophyl.
The hardest bone in the human body is the jawbone.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes (at 73)
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. - (Alvin Toffler)
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. - Oliver Herford
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
The law an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind (Mohandas Gandhi)
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.
The longest word in the english language is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. It has 45 letters. Antidisestablishmentarianism doesn't even come close.
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. (Chinese Proverb)
The masochist and the sadist were walking together. The masochist said, "Beat me!" The sadist replied, "No."
The medical term for a nosebleed is "epistaxis."
The mightiest of weapons is truth. And everyone knows you're not permitted to enter a Government building with a weapon.- John Alejandro King
The money required to provide adequate food, water, education, health and housing for everyone in the world has been estimated at 17 billion a year." (New Internationalist 1980)
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
The more you share the more you have.
The most common non-contagious disease in the world is tooth decay.
The most effective answer to an insult is silence.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' - Isaac Asimov
The one real objective of education is to leave a man in the condition of continually asking questions. - (Bishop Creighton)
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The one who snores, falls asleep first.
The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
The only dogs that don't have a pink tongue is the chow and the Chinese sharpei.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible. - Arthur. C. Clarke
The only word in the English language to contain three back to back double letter combinations is; Bookkeeper.
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year." - Stephen Wright
The passive voice is to be avoided.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
The passive voice should never be used.
The person who snores the loudest will fall asleep first.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it. - Bertrand Russell
The power in my apartment went out the other night. I had to use the flash on my camera to find my way around. I took twenty seven pictures of my kitchen while I was making a sandwich. - Steven Wright
The price of total freedom is total anarchy. The price of total security is total enslavement.
The problem with paradigms is that shift happens.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
The road to success is not doing one thing 100 percent better, but doing 100 things one percent better.
The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom. - (Isaac Asimov)
The secret of drunkenness is, that it insulates us in thought, whilst it unites us in feeling. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The set of glasses filled with different levels of water used to make different musical tones is called a hydrodaktulopsychicarmonica.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the difficulty of reach.
The shorter the life of the particle, the greater it costs to produce. - First Law of Particle Physics
The stall closest to the door in a bathroom is the cleanest, because it is the least used.
The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue.
The tendency of an event to occur varies inversely with one's preparation for it. - David Searles
The test of good manners is to be patient with the bad ones. - Ibn Gabirol
The Theorem Theorem: If If, Then Then
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones
The usefulness of any meeting is inversely proportional to the size of the group.
The violinist is that peculiarly human phenomenon distilled to a rare potency half tiger, half poet.
The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
The way to develop self-confidence is to do the things you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you. - William Jennings Bryan
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.
The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
The word “PEZ” comes from the first, middle, and last letters of the German word for peppermint, PfeffErminZ.
The world is like a mirror; frown at it and it frowns back at you. Smile and it smiles too. - Herbert Samuel
The worst thing about censorship is .
There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary, and those who don't.
There are 3 kinds of people, those who can add up and those who can't.
There are approx. 550 hairs in the eyebrow.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who believe that there are two kinds of people, and those who don't. - (Michael Tanin)
There are two kinds of people: those who think they can, and those who think they can't, and they're both right. - Henry Ford
There are two kinds of women in the world - The ones who like chocolate.... and.... Complete bitches - Dawn French
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings. - Hodding Carter Jr.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Douglas Adams
There is no issue so small that it can’t be blown out of proportion.
There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire. - John C. Collins
There were seven pairs of ruby slippers used during the filming of The Wizard of Oz.
There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away when your eyes move toward it.
They do say the average guy thinks about sex once every six tits.
Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out. - Art Linkletter
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This is not a paradox.
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This post may contain Top Secret Dangerous information. If you are unworthy, or if you steal (take things that don't belong to you) it would be very bad of you, and punishment would be a strong possibility. You could even Rue The Day. I beseech you to heed my warning.
thistaglineiscompressedusingadvancedtechnologies
Those who do not learn from history often end up making it.
Time is money, money is the root of all evil and knowledge is power. Therefore, procrastination is the key to world peace.
Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the one thing he can't afford to lose. - Thomas Edison
Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all of its students.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. - John Lennon
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. - Thomas Edison
To laugh often an much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know that even one life has breathed easier because you lived; this is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To repeat what others have said requires education; to challenge it requires a brain.
To spot the true expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
To the world you're a person, to a person, you're the world.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Too much of a good thing is wonderful. - Mae West
Trilogy (n). Series of three books, sometimes more.
TV Truth: All alien races look like deformed humans.
TV Truth: Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
TV Truth: It is possible to zoom in indefinitely on computer images without reducing the quality of the picture.
TV Truth: No one EVER locks a car when they get out of it.
TV Truth: People sit on only one side of the dinner table.
Two hundred million atoms placed in a row would measure one inch.
Typos are not noticed until after the “Send” button has been hit. - Law of E-mail
Unexpected monetary gains will always be offset by unexpected expenses in the same amount. First Law of Money Dynamics
Until the 1600s, when it was replaced by coffee, beer was the most popular breakfast drink.
USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population. - (David Letterman)
Use apostrophe's correctly.
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
User Error: Replace user, hit any key to continue.
Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately several have attacked me at once.
Variables won’t; constants aren’t. Osborn’s Law
Veni, Vidi, Velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Verbs has to agree with their subject.
Very funny Scotty ... now beam down my clothes!
Virtue is insufficient temptation. Shaw’s Maxim
Virtue is its own punishment.
Virus checking completed: All viruses functioning normally
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War is nothing more than the continuation of politics by other means.
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Warning: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.
We are living through a turning point in our evolution. At such a time great tensions naturally develop. And depending on whether we choose to focus on what is dying or what is being born, we will be apocalyptic or optimistic. - Dr. Jonas Salk
We are not going to be able to operate our spaceship earth successfully for much longer unless we see it as a whole spaceship and our fate as common. It has to be everybody or nobody. - Buckminster Fuller
'We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.' - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
We do not need the universe to have a purpose for us to find meaning in our existence.
We do not remember days, we remember moments. - Cesare Pavese
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. - George Bernard Shaw
We live at the interface between radioactive molten rock and hard vacuum, yet we worry about safety.
We only do well the things we love doing.
We should learn something every day. Sometimes it is the discovery that what we learned yesterday was wrong.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Wear the right costume and the part plays itself.
What do chickens think we taste like?
What if there were no more rhetorical questions left to answer?
What is actually happening is often less important than what appears to be happening.
What really matters is the name that you are able to impose upon the facts not the facts themselves.
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away. Contract Law
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.
What we learn after we know it all is what counts. Groya’s Law
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
Whatever creates th